Simon Dunn

Scriptwriter and Comedian

Nothing

I’ve decided to do nothing today. It’s not often I do nothing, therefore it’s quite hard to do nothing. So far this morning, I’ve found myself doing the following things.

Loudly singing the theme tune to Police Academy.

Humming a tune that I recognise as being from an 80s or 90s sitcom or kid’s TV show. It bothered me for over an hour, and I still don’t know what it was.

Out loud, having a conversation in the voices of two teenagers from Yorkshire, discussing the relative merits of Poland, even though neither of them has been to Poland, or even knows anything about it. That lasted twenty minutes.

Fondling a red cabbage.

Chastising an egg because there was no ketchup in the cupboard.

Saying ‘it’s all getting a bit tricky’ over and over again until I loudly swore at myself.

I wish none of the above was true. But it is.

I should do something.


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