Category: Piffle
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Ham, Jam, And Baalam
There’s something my Gran used to say that has stuck with me through the years. She didn’t say it often, maybe only a handful of times, but that hasn’t stopped it sticking in my head ever since. I would ask ‘what’s for tea, Gran?’. And she would reply: ‘Ham, jam, and baalam.’ I was younger…
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The Great Antiques Con Trick
I’ve been loathe to write this down, for fear of the repercussions. Powerful people are going to be angry about the revelation, and I’m fearful not for my own life, but for the life of my fish (which already seem to have gone missing from the outdoor pond). Before I get to the big stuff,…
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5 Best Comedy Moments Ever
I’m often (never) asked to name my seven most favourite comedy moments ever. Sure, I (never) say, if you want to reduce and decontextualise scenes that are often informed by everything preceding them, and then proscribe some sort of aribtrary ranking system on to totally unconnected things. Yes, please, they reply (not ever happened). So,…
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2020 Vision
As the clock struck midnight and the fireworks ejaculated like an excited spaniel into the dark night sky, my world slipped from me, and I was visited by a wise old soul, who took the form of a tortoise. This tortoise had a lot to say, and not a lot of time in which to…
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Travelogue Of A Twat
I am on a train. I have no idea what is going to fall out of my head onto the page today. Looks like everyone has decided today is the day to travel to that Lunduun for the new year. That is, it’s rammed. It’s been a while since I last made this journey and…
